


So I Think It’s Best We Both Forget

by freeiheitpisarz



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Canon, Angst, Depression, Dubious Consent, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-12
Updated: 2014-10-12
Packaged: 2018-02-20 21:18:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2443481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freeiheitpisarz/pseuds/freeiheitpisarz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thomas doesn't give Bates the blackmail material needed for him stay at Downton Abbey, and instead finds himself working on the streets. When a Duke propositions Thomas with work under the guise of being his valet, Thomas finds himself returning to Downton Abbey under difficult circumstances.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So I Think It’s Best We Both Forget

**Author's Note:**

> Song lyrics from My Chemical Romance's 'Famous Last Words.'

_“I am not afraid to keep on living._   
_I am not afraid to walk this world alone.”_

 

Thomas was tired. Tired and weary. It felt like it was in his bones, in his blood, in his muscles. Like it could never get out, like he’d never feel anything but tired ever again. That was why he turned Bates away when the older man offered to help. He was too exhausted at the thought of blackmailing and deceiving his way through life anymore. He wasn’t under the delusion that things would be better outside of Downton Abbey, but at least it would be a fresh start. A new him.

Unsurprisingly, his first attempts at finding a job had done as well as he thought it would. He was laughed out of nearly every place when he informed them he wouldn’t have a reference. For a long time, anger was the only emotion he could feel. That after ten years of hard work he couldn’t find work. After all the things he’d done and been through, his downfall was a simple well-meaning kiss.

Soon the anger drained out of him again. He just felt tired again. No longer did he had the energy to feel anger, or anything else. What was the point of being angry anymore? He was in no position to do anything about it anymore, nor would it help him. Being angry would just chew him up inside and the mere thought of that made him feel exhausted all over again. The thought of being angry for so long again made his very soul ache.

The first time he found work, it was an accident. He was in a pub, not one he’d be found in if he were still at Downton Abbey, when he was approached by an older man. The man wasn’t attractive, and not the sort of man Thomas would normally lie with. But it had been a long time since he’d felt anything, especially anything resembling affection, no matter how fake.

It was rough and painful, Thomas’ palms and forearms scrapping against the brick wall. But at the end of it, the man thanked him and threw a pile of notes on the ground beside him. Thomas barely noticed at first, but when the man was gone and Thomas was alone again he found himself staring at the cold ground. The notes sat there, almost like they were laughing at him.

It took him a long moment before he bent down to pick them up. There was enough money for board for a night. He’d only had a limited amount of savings, not planning to leave Downton Abbey for quite some time. Unfortunately with his inability to find work, his savings were quickly draining. Now, as he stared at the money in his hands, he found himself growing tired again. Maybe this was the answer of what to do with the rest of his life. He might as well finally put his _atrocities_ and his _foul nature_ to good use.


End file.
